CEO and Executive Team Coach, Molly Tschang, Is A Powerhouse of Kindness | Episode 50

How can you move through insecurities to meet yourself, confident and clear? What can you do to create a workspace that encourages personal growth and honest, beneficial communication? Can you lean into the discomfort to better yourself?

In this podcast episode, Billy and Brandy Eldridge speak with Molly Tschang who is a powerhouse of kindness.

Meet Molly Tschang

Image of Molly Tschang speaking to Billy and Brandy Eldridge on the Beta Male Revolution PodcastFounder and CEO of Abella Consulting, Molly Tschang helps senior management to Win As One—which companies often never even try to do—guiding them to commit to each other’s success and build powerful chemistry to lead together.

She is also creator and host of the Say It Skillfully® Radio Show and video series, and a member of Marshall Goldsmith’s 100 Coaches initiative. Molly serves on the boards of several privately-held companies and the Cornell Engineering College Council and is a CornellTech guest lecturer on teams and leadership.

Molly has held executive leadership positions at Cisco Systems and U.S. Filter, where she led the integration of over 80 acquisitions globally and helped management navigate rapid change and uncertainty in high growth environments. An advocate of social enterprise, she also served as the executive director for NetHope and is a fellow of the RSA (royal society for the arts, manufactures and commerce) and board member of Community Solutions, a finalist for the 2021 $100 million MacArthur Foundation “100 & Change” award for accelerating the end of homelessness.

Visit her website and Say It Skillfully. Connect on LinkedIn and Twitter.

In This Podcast

Summary

  • Being able to be your full self
  • Helping people through their insecurities
  • Throw ‘should’ out the window

Being able to be your full self

I find that to be so core, to be your full self is the way forward. If we had that in the world, even 5% more, we’d be in a crazy better place and so I really wish that for all the people I know: to be comfortable in your own skin, to love yourself first and to be able to have that confidence which then enables you to serve. It is very hard to serve if you are worried about yourself. (Molly Tschang)

We all have insecurities at times and move through spaces in our lives where we feel better or worse, but there comes a point in our journey towards ourselves where we know – regardless of unpredictable life – that we are going to be okay.

Helping people through their insecurities

If you’re not leaning into some kinds of discomfort, discomfort is a sign of growth and we’re not trying to make it super painful but I do encourage that for folks and the curiosity, not the judging, the curiosity to say ‘hey, what’s out there, what could be better?’ (Molly Tschang)

When something painful comes up, it is very easy to point the finger and place the blame of the discomfort on someone or something else. Molly offers that when you find yourself doing this, change the focus from them onto you and see what is going on for you in this situation.

Be curious and don’t judge yourself because self-awareness is a key attribute among some of the world’s most successful people, and it is especially amplified when it is connected to self-compassion.

It takes courage to go into that space of looking at yourself in these tough situations. Some people will set themselves free and other people will hold onto the tension.

Please be your best friend and not your worst enemy … you can choose to traumatize yourself, totally your call, I would just ask [you] to ask yourself: ‘would you let your best friend do that?’ and the answer is no. You’d be like ‘darling, what’s the deal?’ (Molly Tschang)

Mistakes are okay. Mistakes are learning opportunities to learn what you did not know and to take steps to not repeat the same mistake. Something that can help you in this is learning how to laugh with yourself in sincere compassion – don’t take yourself so seriously.

Throw ‘should’ out the window

The word ‘should’ is a sticky, loaded, and often malicious word that you can use against yourself or to fuel your anger towards others. It lives in the past but spurs emotions in the present. Let it go from your vocabulary.

Own the reality as it is, the situation as it is, and say ‘do you want to make it better, or do you want to be right?’ … lose the right and figure out what is going to serve the ‘whole’, what is the intention here. (Molly Tschang)

It takes a lot to manage this, because sometimes there may be times when someone has truly been wrong or made a mistake and they refuse to own it – yet – and in those moments send compassion to them and to yourself.

Forgive them for your sake, because it takes a lot of energy to hold on to that anger and to expect an apology from someone who is still too closed off to realize they need to say it.

Are you ready to find the freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free beta revolution course is for you. Sign up for free.

Useful links:

Meet Billy Eldridge

billy-eldridge

Meet Billy, the resident beta male. For Billy, this is a place to hang out with other beta males and the people who love them. We’re redefining what beta males look like in the world. I have learned to embrace my best beta self, and I can help you to do the same. As a therapist, I understand the need to belong. You belong here. Join the REVOLUTION.

 

Meet Brandy Eldridge

brandy-eldridge

Hello, Beta friends. I am an alpha personality who is embracing the beta way of life. I feel alive when connected with people, whether that is listening to their stories or learning about their passions. Forget small talk, let’s go deep together. Come to the table and let’s have some life-changing conversations.

 

Thanks for listening!

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Podcast Transcription

[BILLY ELDRIDGE]: Beta Male Revolution is part of the Practice of the Practice podcast network, a family of podcasts seeking to change the world. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.
[BRANDY ELDRIDGE]: Hi everyone. Today we have Molly Tschang and I’m just going to say I’m super nervous, but super excited because she makes me the good kind of nervous, but we’re very lucky to have Molly say yes to do our podcast. Molly Tschang is the founder and CEO of Abella Consulting and Leadership Development. Did I say that right, Abella or did I say it wrong?
[MOLLY TSCHANG]: Yes. Perfectly.
[BRANDY]: Okay. I should have asked you that before, because that’s on my notes, ask before to make sure I pronounce it the right way, but, okay. She’s also created the Win As One framework. She is an executive, she’s been in executive leadership in Cisco, U.S. Filter, her resume will blow you away. That she said yes to our podcast is crazy. Again, the way I know Molly is through Dr. Paul Corona and Marshall Goldsmith, and I’m very lucky to have those two men refer me to Molly and she answered my call, which is another humbling experience.
She is the creator and the host of Say It Skillfully, a radio show and a podcast and a video series, which I watch on the rag. She’s a TEDx speaker, global or a thrive global, in 2017, she was also made one of Marshall Goldsmith’s 100 coaches. She holds a BS in chemical engineering from Cornell, an MBA from UCLA. It goes on and on, but today we’re going to get to talk to her about what she does really well. She does everything really well, but what she does is she helps people say things skillfully, just like her podcast says. And we’re going to talk about all the things about relationship with ourselves and us in motion, I guess is how we could say it. Anyway, welcome Molly. I kind of butchered that, but I’m okay. Everything’s okay. Today. It’s all good because I’m excited about talking to you.
[BILLY]: Hey Molly.
[BRANDY]: Just welcome.
[MOLLY]: Hey Brandy and Billy. It was a fabulous introduction. I’m humbled and I am grateful to have the chance to share the mic with you today. And I want to give you a shout out for your courage and your commitment to help others be real because you are being real. And we would hope that that is more normative on the planet. It’s not always, it’s not always unfortunately. And so I do think that that’s really the opportunity is to be comfortable with being who you are and a huge part of that is then to be able to say what you think needs to be said. So my pleasure,
[BILLY]: Thank you so much. It was just permission to relax and let go, and to let us have a conversation like we’ve been hanging out for years and that’s what we offer people; just come to the table is grab a cup of coffee and chat as friends. So we want to hear your backstory. How did you get to where you are today and where are you?
[MOLLY]: So fabulous. So let me give you the rundown. First for people wondering it’s [T S C H A N G], German spelling of a Chinese name. And I had a grandfather who lived in mainland China, but for a period, went to university of Berlin because it had been dangerous in China. So, I’m first born in the States, my mom was from Hong Kong, my dad is originally from the mainland, but grew up in Penang, Malaysia, and they are my idols in life and thriving in upstate New York and the house that we grew up in with two amazing sisters, five darling nieces and nephews. I don’t have my own kids, but feel very grateful to have just an amazing family. And first and foremost, that’s grounded me my entire life. I did not speak English until I was five years old. I got straight C’s in first grade and the report card said, “Molly seems very bright, very quiet.”
And I think I was just a totally terrified kid. And I remember the first day of kindergarten and my mom dropped me off and it was a half day and I stood by the window for, maybe it was only two hours and I just sobbed the entire time, sobbing, my poor mom looking in at the window. And I didn’t really know what was going on. And all I could think is I had done something very, very wrong to be punished by being forced to go into this room with all these like people. I had no idea. I mean, it was really horrible. My upbringing was fabulous. They were fabulous, but I do recall this feeling very different. There was one Chinese, one black and one Korean family. And kids can be mean and you’re not really sure. And you’ve got, you’re doing things, you’re speaking different languages at home and you’re eating different foods.
So that has come full circle for me. I mean, so thrilled with who I am, but I, with lately all this diversity and such, I can really relate to it, and I can relate to the wanting to belong and wanting to fit in so badly. And so I think it’s helped me really connect with people at all levels. And that’s been I think, a secret sauce for me. I was a geek, so, the fact that I have a radio show and podcast is nothing short of hilarious to me because I really was not verbal. People are kind of shocked. I’m an introvert by design. I derive my energy from within. I do like people, I can be very social, it’s just not, I get my energy from within. So I was a chemical engineer in school. The funny thing on that is I really wanted to be [inaudible 00:06:02]. I mean, I wanted to be a Marine biologist.
So I went to the library looking for a book, you know, I was like imagining being underwater and that the Marine biologists made half of what the chemical engineers made. Well, I’m not going to be able to obviously live in the world if I’m a Marine biologist, I better be a chemical engineer because I like chemistry and I like math. And then I ended up at Cornell for undergrad, which is like the greatest thing I ever did. And nothing has been hard since school and I would’ve gone into chemical engineering. And then last minute I ended up taking a job with IBM. So I did the IBM sales. So imagine going through that finishing program and just getting a sense of big company life and operating and all that, because that my dad was an engineer and my mom was a nurse.
So that was a really great training ground. And so I spent time at IBM after business school, I did some consulting, I joined a high growth company that grew through acquisitions. So I learned at a young age to integrate companies, not the most usual jobs, super fun, super fun. I was on the floor of the New York stock exchange and you know, just crazy, crazy stuff. And the blessing of working your butt off nonstop is that you realize earlier, I think than most that burnout is not a good thing. So I really take that to heart. And people now think, tend to tell me, “Well, you seem very balanced. You seem quite Zen and grounded.” And I worked at that and I learned it early. I learned it early because I actually get eight hours of sleep every night just about, and I need it.
And I realized that for me to be my best self, I had to really do that. So I never had felt guilt or apologies about taking time to exercise or sleep, and basic things like that. So that was a real gift. And I spent time at Cisco Systems, amazing corporation. I have to say I’m not a big company girl, but I just kept getting the coolest things to do not, after the MNA work, I ended up early 2000’s going to Africa, which was really game-changing. I always wanted to go on a Safari, but I came back and I was like, “Wow, I just came from a place where people extensively have no consistent food, shelter, water, and they seem pretty smiley and happy.” And then I got back to Silicon Valley and people were complaining, “Why don’t I have the queue by the window? My stock options aren’t—” and I just thought, “Okay, wait a second.”
And so I get it. It can get, if your surrounding is the same all the time, you can think that that’s really normal, fast cars, sitting in a Jacuzzi drinking Chardonnay and I just like, “Wait a second.” And so this trip really helps me see first, the opportunity for public, private and citizens sectors to come together, if you will, to integrate and really solve some of the world’s problems. And they’re not intractable. We make them intractable, but they’re not. We really come together and solve them. And then it gave me a realization that each of us I think has a real opportunity and responsibility to impact the world in some way bigger than perhaps just our day job. And I took that to a whole heart.
I’m kind of a marshmallow inside. I am an idealist. I like, I see how the world can be better and I want to make it better. So fast forward, I’m in Cisco having a great time. I was in the consulting group and you know, the culture started to go down the toilet as far as I could see and I was just like, people are saying they’re going to do something. They’re not doing it. And they’re getting promoted. And so I just wasn’t okay with that. A mentor of mine who had been at the company said, “You’ll really like this program,” and it’s the organization and relationship systems coaching program. I wasn’t trying to be a coach, but I went through it just because I really trusted her and at the end of the day, this program really helped me get in touch with me and help me be a better me.
And then I just kind of realized that this is really a huge opportunity because everywhere I saw of any company of any size, anywhere in the world, people really weren’t on the same page. There was a lot of unnecessary dysfunction and friction, and it was rooted in the fact that each of us kind of thought everyone else was the problem, but we weren’t really owning our part of the [inaudible 00:10:14]. So it just was a neon light. And I could see a lot of great leaders, good people, but when I looked at them as a leadership team, I’m like, “You know, you want everyone else to work like a team and you’re not doing a very good job of it yourself.” And not because they’re bad people. They’re good people, but it just wasn’t a focus. And so on the side, I created a way to take what I had learned and to this Win As One, a way to help leadership teams really commit to each other’s success, as much as their own.
Normally, corporate America is perceived as a dog eat dog, you know, Brandy wins, Billy loses. And so how can we actually win together and lead powerfully together? And culture starts at the top. I believe it’s a privilege to lead. I believe people deserve to be led and led well. And I really wanted to focus on that. So that became a real calling for me. So my own purpose was very clear and I left on 2014 to start my own consultancy and yes working with senior management teams, which is all fabulous and then our dear friend, Marshall pops into my life. And like, if it was already going amazing, then I got well turbo-charged by being part of this just spectacular community to support each other, to have even greater impact on the world.
And that’s where the say it skillfully thing came in. So I was literally, people were talking about books and somehow someone said, “You know you can create a video.” And I created this 92 second video of a junior person wanting to speak up with management, 90 seconds. I thought like 10 people are going to watch the stupid thing. 38,000 views of this video, ultimately. And I thought, “Wow.” So it was clear to me because I saw that people wanted to have voice at work. They didn’t want to play small. They didn’t want to be mute, but they didn’t really know how to say it. And so I just, I embarked on this literally passion project. It was just, it took over my life to just create all this free content and just help people find the words to create shared reality in a way that’s true to themselves.
And the shared reality piece is so key because everyone, each of us has a different reality and if we don’t bubble up the differences and talk them through, we don’t get to an accurate shared one without which you cannot make the best decisions, execute with speed and get the great outcomes. It was very like, you know I’m an engineer at heart, so it’s not like a moral, I want everyone to feel good, although I do want everyone to feel good, but you know, you can’t produce the business results if your people aren’t really aligned, and winning as one as I say. So that’s a bit of a long winding road to me. And I hope that gives you a little insight into what moves me.
[BRANDY]: I have like a page of notes now and questions that I want to ask. And so I want to go back, there are a lot of things that you said and I also listened to the podcast with your best friend on it and how she had a similar experience with the different types of foods sitting at the lunch table and your story of assimilation and being different. But then you choose a career in engineering, which there are no, very limited women in engineering. So then you go into corporate America, which I would say you again, are the different one in all of this, the outlier, and then you just kill it. Like there has to be, you say your energy comes from within, but there, and your parents or your idol, but like, this is not a normal story to pick places where you’re the outlier. It’s kind of bad-ass. So kind of talk to me about this energy and where it came from and what made you want to go into places where it was just different.
[MOLLY]: I appreciate the very kind words that you’re using. I would tell you two things, one is naivety. Like I was super nice. “Do you need to do. This sounds great. I’m going to do it.” And so that naivety has served me super well, and it’s led me to places that I could never have imagined. And I would say that I know how to be lucky and that I can see opportunity. I’ve been good at weighing downside risks. So when I do things that people might perceive as risky, I’ve gone through the, if you will, the calculation internally that says, “This is the worst that happens. I can handle it. Therefore not risky for me.” And I guess I’d also say ambiguity has been a friend of mine. Like I don’t need to see it.
I mean, I need to see at the end state, but I’m happy to go where I feel, I’m a very intuitive person. And so I see opportunity and I can, I know that something’s going to be right and I can go make it right. I can also abandon it when it’s not. And so I think those things have helped me do things that people are like, “Wow it was that some grand scheme.” Like, “No, it just really came together.” I would say, I’m really good at asking questions. So curiosity, like people would interview me and then after the end of it, they’d be like, “What just happened, because we’re not sure what we found out.” But pretty, I’m curious, and I like to ask questions. And now I guess at the core, as I think this through I do, and I went through a lot of judging years. I mean, so painful. All the judging, judging, judging, judging. “I’m so much better. I’m this…” Like, so like mortifying part of my growth journey.
So I have to own it. I’d say that I really think there’s genius in every single human being and so it’s just an opportunity to find out about that person and what makes them tick and in doing so, it’s very enriching for me. And you know, I really do all the tenets of the, say it skillfully of the being who you really are and saying what needs to be said. I mean, I find that to be so core to be able to be your full self to, it is the way forward. And if we had that in the world, even 5% more, we’d be in a crazy better place. And so I just really, I wish that for all the people I know to be comfortable in your own skin, to love yourself first, and to be able to have that confidence, which then enables you to serve. It’s very hard to serve if you’re worried about yourself. And we all obviously have insecurities and we all have things, but I think at some point you know that you’re going to be okay. And when you know, you’re going to be okay, it just creates a real opening to genuinely want help others.
[BILLY]: Yes. Well, take me a little bit into that because I’m a guy who grew up with just a host of insecurities that I’ve had to work my way out of and overcome throughout my life. And the fact that you entered a dog eat dog world, but choose a kinder path of empowering people who don’t have a voice and teaching them how to have a voice. And I love that work in the world and people who do that work. How do you give them the keys to their own voice when they don’t know how to find it, when you’re weighted down with insecurities and you’re at the table and you don’t feel like you belong there, and you should speak up? What tools do you give folks to say, “Hey, you do have something to offer, start using it.”
[MOLLY]: Yes. Thank you for that and I appreciate your sharing that you’ve had your insecurities and bravo to you, Billy, for all that you’ve worked through, which is how we grow. So if you know, for folks listening, if you’re not leaning into some kinds of discomfort, discomfort is a sign of growth. We’re not trying to make it super painful, but I do encourage that for folks and the curiosity, not the judging, the curiosity to say, “Hey, what’s out there? What could be better?” And so the Say Skillfully premise is very straightforward. It’s something comes up, it’s really easy to point the finger out and say, “Well, Brandy’s not making it safe.” Now you want to blame Brandy. And so I would offer, “Hey, what’s going on for you?” And to really just be curious and not judging of yourself, because self-awareness is a key attribute of the most successful people who also amp up their self-compassion because the more you know about yourself, if you don’t give yourself, self-compassion, you’re going to drive yourself crazy.
So the 80% of the work is within saying, you know, and I get it. You grew up, your parents loved you, your kitty soccer coach loved you. Your math teacher didn’t think you were so good at math, your music teacher didn’t like you so much, you layer on all this stuff from people who don’t really know who you are. And so there’s a lot of stuff layered on for us and it’s kind of a peeling it back process that we have to go through. And it takes some courage and I think some people are will go there and are willing to set themselves free and other people want to hold themselves back. And so my thing is, please be your best friend and not your worst enemy. And I get sometimes people, there’s a guilt thing. “I need to do this.”
And I’m like, “Wait, you can choose to traumatize yourself, totally your call. I want you to ask yourself, would you let your best friend do that?” The answer is no. He’d be like, “Darling, what’s the deal?” So if you can get in good relationship with yourself, you can say, “Why am I not speaking up? Am I afraid? What am I afraid of?” If that happened, what would be the worst thing that happened? And typically when people walk through that, and sometimes you just need to verbalize. You’re like, “I don’t know what am I afraid of.” So I said the wrong answer. And so you learned, and now a lot of folks will get this message from above, this mistakes aren’t okay. I get it. And some of the leaders need to appreciate when people make mistakes. You want to make new ones and you want say, “Hey, grey for pushing it. What did we learn? Awesome. What do we do to make sure we don’t make that mistake again? Let’s make new ones.” Not, “Oh my God. He made a mistake.” Crucify, you know.
And again, and if you do that and you make an error and you’re too hard on someone, go back and say, “Hey, I just realized I responded too emotionally. I understand what happened. You are a good person. I need to make sure that I’m creating space for us to have what my mentor, Gary Ridge, Brandy knows Gary, learning moments.” Obviously mistakes are learning moments. Hello folks, no one’s born perfectly imperfect. So make the mistake lean into it, own it, laugh at yourself. Lightness is an awesome thing. So get a good relationship with yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself, show self compassion. Lightness really helps and then think about, “Okay, what’s it like for the other person?”
You know, maybe they don’t really know what they’re doing. Maybe they have someone at home who’s really ill. Maybe they don’t really know the answer and they don’t really know how to skillfully let you know that they don’t know the answer. So have empathy and compassion for the other person, think about where they’re at and in doing so it then helps you structure and think about, “Hmm, how can I introduce a topic or raise a conversation in a way that will land for them?” Now you may agree. Was that right? They should. They should is one of the words that is out of my vocabulary. Own the reality as it is, the situation, as it is and say, do you want to make it better? Or do you want to be right? Marshall, our friend, I was like all these people want to be right. Get rid of, lose the right. Figure out what’s going to serve the whole and then what’s the intention.
“I’m entering this conversation because I see that we’re not getting along really well. And it pains me and I want us to be an amazing team. So I’m going to do whatever I can so we can be an amazing team and I will own any things that I’ve done in the past that may have upset you or otherwise not been productive. And will you do the same?” And when you open your heart that way, and let me tell you, people are not, like it’s not easy because sometimes you’re genuinely annoyed or they really are wrong in your eyes. And so it takes a lot to get grounded with ourselves. And when you do, I will just tell you that the rewards are huge. There’s a certain level of peace, and then there’s ability for you to, I think, really think about what’s right for the whole. Again, other people may have different views of that. Let’s bubble it up and then let’s think about what’s right for the whole together. And it’s just awesome. Sorry, a long-winded answer.
[BILLY]: You’re speaking my language Molly, because I do work in marriage and family therapy and everything you said about the boardroom can translate to the living room and the way in which we interact in families is so can parallel in the way we work in our work world. And if we don’t feel safe, if we don’t feel we have a voice resentment begins to develop and then cynicism comes up and in toxic family systems or toxic work cultures come up. And one thing I see about you you’ve been in all these worlds yet, you seem to have kept a sense of wonder and optimism and joy about you. It hasn’t stolen that part of you. And I’m curious in an alternative or Brandy and how you’ve protected that part of yourself, how you’ve stayed full of optimism and joy and positivity and helping other people and not getting into the ego out where you lose game, the rising tide lifts all ships kind of mentality.
[MOLLY]: Thank you for saying that Billy and for asking. I would say that I have never felt guilty about getting what I need. So I need sleep and I need exercise. I need good food and I need, because I’m an introvert, I don’t need a lot of social interaction. I need quality interaction with people that are supportive and nurturing. And I’ve had that. And so when I, and I don’t, people used to work for me were like, “Well, you need to go to gym. Go to the gym. You can go to the gym anytime you want.” Because that’s, part of me is the body is a shrine. And so for the people who I think don’t have that value, I think it’s really hard to, when you’re going 14 hour days, or 16 hour days or flying around the world and then getting up and doing a 12 hour day, you got to have the energy. So to me, that’s sort of a mechanical thing. You’ve got to fuel the physical. For me that helps me with the spiritual. I do yoga and meditation. That was a relatively newish thing over the last 10, 15 years. And that’s been game changer.
[BRANDY]: I have to interrupt you on that. I have to interrupt you. You don’t just do yoga. Like I have this in my notes, like, and I’ve seen your yoga stuff. Molly, doesn’t just do yoga.
[BILLY]: She embodies yoga.
[BRANDY]: I mean, it’s incredible. You have a yoga Facebook page. I mean, it’s people on your podcast and on your radio show, comment on your yoga. Like this thing is beautiful. And I did interrupt you and I’m sorry, but I had to point out, like, I think it’s more than just the exercise. It’s like you said, it’s the spiritual piece. And it’s the part you’ve talked about, keeping you grounded.
[MOLLY]: Yes. I appreciate you bringing that up because on people I say, “What’s yoga to you?” And they might say strength or balance or flexibility, which is all true. I would say in a sentence, yoga is getting to know yourself for who you really are. Because you’re in this posture and it’s about feeling, “How do I feel?” It’s not about whether you’re doing it perfectly right. Other than you don’t want to do things that could be injurious. You want to be alignment wise. You want to make sure that you’re not hurting yourself. And I think that’s that notion of having the time to pause and to think, “How do I feel? I’m doing whatever this posture is, which might just be standing into [inaudible 00:27:01] How do I feel? Am I grounded in the earth? Can I feel my feet on the earth? Can I feel the line through my ankles, through my calves, through my knees and my thighs and my hips all the way up to my spine with my head, perfectly poised on the top of my spine?’.
And that has been the huge gift and transformation of yoga for me. And a funny story. I have two sisters who were certified as yoga instructors way early and they are spectacular. And so then I certified as a yoga instructor and people were like, “We clearly don’t need three sisters who can teach yoga.” But this notion of growth and this notion of service, because then you can help other people and I love just introducing it and for people to just do a, everybody, if you can breathe, you can do a little yoga. And there’s a lot of great benefit and a lot of great learning there. So I encourage folks to go there if you haven’t.
[BILLY]: I can attest to that. If you can breathe, you can do yoga. My yoga practice has been a, it’s been a journey of learning self-acceptance because I get in there and follow all over the place and teach a grad class. And we were talking last night and it was in the realm of counseling and therapy. And that’s become very important yoga work and the sematic experience and getting in touch with your body and breathing. And I was telling a story about one time I was in a yoga room on a mat, and I just stretched out and this childhood memory of shame came up and I just began to weep. And I was able to work through that in a way I couldn’t with words, and it was a transformative changing experience. And of course I’m feeling a little embarrassed, but I’m like, this is a place where you’re supposed to be able to let that stuff go and just self-acceptance.
“I don’t know why I’m crying. Why is this coming up? I feel super weird.” But I just was able in that space to go with it and it changed me in a way I just couldn’t with words. And so I’m so grateful for that. And you’re challenging me because I’ve kind of gotten out of the routine of self-care and I’ve gotten super busy with my life and I’ve backed off of the things that helped me sustain the ability to be present with people. And so you’re speaking my language in a way that’s calling me back to something that I placed importance over. So thank you for the reminder.
[MOLLY]: That’s my pleasure, and it’s needing to happen. So it’s so great. And I appreciate you sharing that because that is a very common, very common experience in yoga. People kind of burst into tears but there’s, and it’s needing to happen. So I just want folks to know when things happen and it may, you may want to label it as bad I might offer. Gosh, are you labeling it bad? Or is it bad? Because I think lots of times we maybe judge things that we don’t need to judge. And so I think that that’s a common thing about yoga that really is the gift that just keeps on giving
[BRANDY]: We may have to have you back and just talk about burnout and the balance and all the things that you’ve learned. But I do want to touch, you said yoga is a place that you also learn to serve. And I know that in 2021, recently you were one of the finalists for the MacArthur Foundation, which is a hundred million dollar grant for accelerating the end of homelessness. So I did want to touch on that, if you’d want to talk about that.
[MOLLY]: And to clarify, just for everyone, the Community Solutions is a nonprofit spectacular, nonprofit fearlessly led by my friend Rosanne Haggerty, and they, she’s mapped this three decades. She started in Times Square taking homeless people off the street. I mean, she is it when it comes to understanding the nature of this very complex problem and her organization, and I’m on the board of Community Solutions was named as one of the six finalists to the $100 million MacArthur Foundation, 100&Change award. So it just speaks to the credibility of the work. They have already eliminated chronic homelessness in a whole slew of communities across the country and it isn’t a one size fits all model, but it’s an approach that equips the local organizations to really own the problem and data is a huge part of it. If you don’t know all the homeless people by name and where they are, right, as a starting point, really hard to tackle the problem.
So I’m honored to be cheering from them in the biggest way and I hope folks stay tuned. 100andchange.org, you can check more out about them. If you’re wondering if the, Built for Zero is the name of their community program, if you’re wondering if your particular town is already enrolled, you can go on the site and figure that out. And then you can lobby your local officials saying, “How come we’re not a part of this?” Because to me living in New York, one of the wealthiest cities in the world, and to be walking around, stepping around homeless people on the street is just to me, was like, not okay. Like, I’m not okay with it. And in my little tiny, small way, I feel like this is something that I could do in my lifetime. We’re definitely going to put this in the past. So we do not have to have this.
People will fall into homelessness, but we’ll catch them and then we’ll have support them and we’ll bring them out. So I appreciate you bringing it up and it’s, obviously I’m very passionate about it. You know, I do have one thing I want to say to folks as we’re wrapping, is you can absolutely have it all in life. You really can, you can not have it all at the same time and just give yourself permission to not look left and right of what everybody else’s doing. I mean, it might be nice to know what everyone else is doing, but really what matters is what you’re doing and are you happy with it? And are you happy with relationships? I think it starts there. And if you can really focus there, then whatever the activities, the tasks, the doing, I think flows a bit more organically. So I just wish for people to really give yourself permission to be you, to go into the things that might seem a little scary or uncomfortable, and just know that that’s part of your process to come up the and, you know a little bit better you.
[BILLY]: Yes. Well, Molly and wrapping up.
[BRANDY]: I don’t think we need to ask anything else like we normally do. That was the manner.
[BILLY]: I think right there, I know I can go back and listen to that over and over again, because as you were saying each word, I was just trying to hang onto it. And thank you for hanging out with us today\.
[MOLLY]: Thank you.
[BILLY]: Let folks know. I know they can type your name in TED Talk and find you in Google because that’s a quick one that comes up. I’ve listened to that this morning and it was fantastic. Where can folks find you if they want to hear more of your stuff?
[MOLLY]: So I would love folks to go to sayitskillfully.com. And this is something that I put up really to just be a resource. So just go there. I have, you know one of my idols and mentors, Ella Malala, who led Boeing and Ford, one of the greatest CEOs ever, binge-watched the first like 16 videos. They’re only 90 seconds. I just offer that to the extent that you can find your voice when that’s effective and authentic for you. You’re going to model that and help others to do so. And it’s just a spiraling up effect. So sayitskillfully.com, there’s some resources if you scroll down. If you’re on LinkedIn, follow me on LinkedIn, Molly Tschang, [M O L L Y], and it’s [T S C H A N G]. And I do have a TED talk. If you go to ted.com, it’s Molly Tschang Speaking the Truth at Work. I would to be so grateful, eternally grateful if you would listen and share that, because all the Say It Skillfully story is packaged. That’s like two years package of 18 minutes and nothing would warm my heart more than to how organizations really look within and say, “Hey, are we creating a space for people to be who they are? And what could we do to be better at it for a leadership and employee alike to say, Hey, we’re all part of the problem. We’re all part of the solution. And together we really can win as one.”
[BRANDY]: Thank you, Molly.
[BILLY]: Thanks so much, Molly. Thanks for hanging out with us today.
[MOLLY]: It’s been my pleasure, my honor. Thank you both. Love to you both and here to help you in any way I can. Always cheering for you. Take care.
[BILLY]: Are you ready to find freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find your strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your own skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free Beta Male Revolution course is for you. Sign up for free at betamalerevolution.com/course.
This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests are providing legal, mental health or other professional information. If you need a professional you should find one.

Beta Male Revolution is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

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