Introduction To The Beta Male Revolution | Episode 1

Introduction To The Beta Male Revolution | BMR 01

What does being a beta male mean? Are you a beta male? What is the beta male revolution? 

In this podcast, Billy and Brandy Eldridge share an introduction to the Beta Male Revolution and what it means to be a beta male.

In This Podcast

Summary

Welcome to the Beta Male Revolution! Billy and Brandy have been married for nearly 12 years, and have three beautiful kids. In this podcast episode, they share an introduction to the Beta Male Revolution, what it means to be a beta male, as well as their own story.

What is the Beta Male Revolution?

Simply put, it’s reclaiming and redefining what the word ‘beta’ means. For Billy growing up, anything beta meant it wasn’t masculine, and even perhaps even meant it was anti-masculine. The journey in discovering his beta self has been very liberating to say the least.

A healthy beta male is a liberated man who pushes back against old social ideas that don’t work for some. Billy gets his feelings hurt a lot and he hasn’t had space where he can say that. Not verbalizing how he felt became very unhealthy. It’s about being vulnerable on this journey of self-actualizing. Billy is now less passive-aggressive and a better communicator. 

In this podcast, Billy and Brandy hope to start crucial conversations, unfolding their own story, and exploring men’s issues. They’re open and vulnerable to talk about the things that have brought them to the place they are now.

Billy and Brandy’s story

They met in 1996, having grown up in the same town but never crossed paths. Brandy had dated his roommate, and his roommate was best friends with Billy’s current girlfriend. They hung out as college kids. Billy then married his high school sweetheart and Brandy got engaged to Billy’s roommate.

They stayed friends for 10 years and Brandy was even the maid of honor at Billy’s wedding. Then due to some health issues, Brandy moved back home and Billy was going through a divorce. They hung out again and got married six weeks later.

Embracing being beta

It’s okay to speak your truth. Billy was always seen as more emotional than some, and so he tried to cover that up and be someone he wasn’t to have more bravado. That also came in the form of alcohol and medication later on that helped him numb some of his sensitivity to allow him to be someone he was “supposed” to be.

It was a lie I told myself for many years.

Trying to sweep it under the rug with alcohol and medication wasn’t working. In fact, it was causing more problems.

Throughout this podcast, they are going to share conversations that the world is craving. It isn’t anti-anything. We can all benefit from having open conversations with both alpha and beta. There is so much betas can bring to the table.

Let’s do this together and learn how to live a beta life. They hope the person listening to this gets freedom.

Are you ready to find the freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free beta revolution course is for you. Sign up for free.

Useful links:

Meet Billy Eldridge

billy-eldridge

Meet Billy, the resident beta male. For Billy, this is a place to hang out with other beta males and the people who love them. We’re redefining what beta males look like in the world. I have learned to embrace my best beta self, and I can help you to do the same. As a therapist, I understand the need to belong. You belong here. Join the REVOLUTION.

 

Meet Brandy Eldridge

brandy-eldridge

Hello, Beta friends. I am an alpha personality who is embracing the beta way of life. I feel alive when connected with people, whether that is listening to their stories or learning about their passions. Forget small talk, let’s go deep together. Come to the table and let’s have some life-changing conversations.

 

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Beta Male Revolution Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Beta Male Revolution is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

[BILLY]:
Beta Male Revolution is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a family of podcasts seeking to change the world. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Welcome to the Beta Male Revolution. This is a podcast for beta males, the people who love them, and the alphas that enjoy their company.

Hi, this is Billy with the Beta Male Revolution podcast. This is a podcast for beta guys, the people who love them, and the alphas who enjoy their company. I am a private practice therapist here in Texarkana, Texas. My name is Billy Eldridge and today with me I have…

[BRANDY]:
Brandy Eldridge. I do nonprofit work within in the nonprofit sector. We are married. We’ve been married almost 12 years. We have three children. Our youngest one’s four; our oldest one is ten.

[BILLY]:
Our middle one gets left out quite often; he is eight. Just forget about him, we’ll just jump in.

[BRANDY]:
He’s our boy. And we’ll get into a little bit more of how we know each other, but I think people want to know what the Beta Male Revolution is.

[BILLY]:
For me, it’s a reclaiming and redefining of what that word is, because for me growing up, anything beta was not masculine. It was like anti masculine. And I’m beginning to learn and starting to know so many wonderful people who would most likely describe themselves as more of a beta personality. And a lot of people have given me permission to use that in a way that I didn’t have to hide it, or in a way I had to cover it up with false bravado. And that’s been very liberating for me. So, we wanted to extend that in a podcast to other people and create a place for that. And I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else other than my best friend and my favorite alpha in the world, even though you don’t like labels very much.

[BRANDY]:
I don’t like labels.

[BILLY]:
And I’ll hold that loosely. But you tend to be a little, well, alpha.

[BRANDY]:
Are you scared that you say that?

[BILLY]:
I’m a little scared about how to phrase this; this is my wife. We may need more marriage counseling than we’ve already had after this, but that’s okay. It’s a good process. It brings about, I think, crucial conversations we need to have in today’s climate about what does it mean to be a beta male? And to me it is just a liberated man who pushes back against old social ideas that don’t work for some.

[BRANDY]:
Well, let’s, say push back, like, that’s not really your MO, pushing back.

[BILLY]:
Yeah, where I say alphas rage against the machine, betas are more passive aggressive against the message. And I tend to have this passiveness… we’re going to talk about healthy and unhealthy. And I’ve got some unhealthy qualities in my beta-ness that tend to make me withdraw, not communicate very clearly about things I’m not happy with, I’ll tend to stuff those, become resentful. They’ll come out sideways and indirectly and passive aggressive.

[BRANDY]:
And I tend to be the one that bears most of those passive aggressive comments.

[BILLY]:
Oh, I thought you were gonna say that you were the one who tends to be a little more upfront and aggressive.

[BRANDY]:
I do not deny that. I don’t like the term aggressive. I choose to think direct or maybe a little blunt.

[BILLY]:
Clear. You don’t mince words.

[BRANDY]:
I don’t. I think you say what you need to say, forget the details, move on. Details are not my thing. Like, just tell me what you mean. Let’s do it.

[BILLY]:
And most of our arguments can come from a place… because I tend to be a little more sensitive. And here’s the thing – it’s hard for a guy to say, I get my feelings hurt a lot. And I haven’t had spaces where I could say that. And I had to do something with those feelings for a long time. Not verbalize them. And it became very unhealthy, and very dark, for seasons, and you’ve been a part of a lot of those dark places and dark seasons in my life.

[BRANDY]:
Thank you for sharing that. It’s nice to hear you say that. I think part of this is very much vulnerability. I think that even with me, you’ve taught me how to be vulnerable. You’ve taught me how to be okay with past. And part of that is because you are a beta and I am an alpha. And I enjoy your beta-ness where I think in the 11 years, almost 12 years that we’ve been married, I haven’t always appreciated it. We’ve been through a lot. We’ve had a tough go at this. And I’m glad that we’re on the other side – not that we’re done, we’re not working for it, but I think we’ve gotten past a lot of the obstacles and we’re still together, which is a testament to us working together, trying to understand each other.

[BILLY]:
Well, and I think a lot of the years that it was hard for you to understand, I was not in a very healthy place and on this journey of self-actualizing, in coming into who I’m truly supposed to be, and not trying to play a role that doesn’t fit, it’s probably at times become easier for us to deal with each other.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, like we were not in a good place yesterday, just yesterday.

[BILLY]:
Just yesterday, just yesterday, but we get through those I think a lot faster. And can communicate through them in ways where I’m less passive aggressive; it’s still there. It’s very natural for me to go there. But I know that if I’m becoming passive aggressive as a beta male, I’m not being my best self. If I don’t learn how to speak my feelings directly and clearly in a kind way, because I stuff and stuff and stuff until this little rage monster comes out that’s not very pleasant. And it is tiny and scary. It’s not a big…

[BRANDY]:
It’s laughable sometimes.

[BILLY]:
And there’s nothing worse than getting really mad and your resident alpha giggling at how funny you look; you’re trying to be angry.

[BRANDY]:
I’m so sorry. But it is funny, it is funny sometimes. Where I come in, you never have to guess where you stand with me.

[BILLY]:
No, your face tells it all.

[BRANDY]:
I’m gonna tell you. I’m going to tell you probably very loudly. And it’s funny to watch you get mad. It’s funny to watch you get mad with the kids, like, when you’ve had enough with the kids and then you’re like [strangled noises] …

[BILLY]:
Is that really…? We’re gonna have to upload a video of me being angry because I’m sure it’s not…

[BRANDY]:
I don’t know. It’s pretty close.

[BILLY]:
That might be me. But, in us unfolding our story and talking about it, we hope to bring you guys into a conversation where y’all can let us know what would be helpful for y’all, because we do want to put content out there that’s usable for other people and take people on a journey and offer ways for them to self-actualize in their own individual lives, and collectively as a couple. Because life can be so good, and we’ve lived rough life.

[BRANDY]:
I think we’ve had some obstacles. I think this is a place where we get to explore some of those patterns, some of those men’s issues with a female perspective, I think we have… through you, we’ve seen a unique way of describing masculinity. And I think this is a forum where we get to do that. I think the reason we’re here is because we are open and vulnerable and we talk about the things that have brought us to this place, and they haven’t always been pleasant – and I think we’ll go into those in further episodes. But today, I thought we would just let people know how we met. And how, in a brief, brief way, without going into every detail, how we got here.

[BILLY]:
Yeah, and the story will unfold more as we go. But let me see if I get this right. On the steps of the Arkansas Student Union, [unclear], in 1996, even though we had grown up in the same hometown, I don’t think we ever crossed each other’s paths knowingly.

[BRANDY]:
No, it was very serendipitous.

[BILLY]:
Very, because we had friends that were intertwined and stories that were intertwined and overlapped, but we had never met each other until that first day on registration, on a fall day in the Ozarks, in Fayetteville, Arkansas, I met you for the first time.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, so I had dated your roommate. And your roommate was best friends with your girlfriend.

[BILLY]:
My girlfriend. It is Arkansas. We live in Texas. We are on the Texas side of the border.

[BRANDY]:
But it can sound a little incestuous if we don’t clarify some things.

[BILLY]:
Great, we’ve already said incestuous. Um, yeah.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah. So, we became friends. I started dating your roommate again. And we hung out as college kids, and we had a really good friendship for years. And you married your high school sweetheart. I was engaged to your roommate. We did not make it down the aisle, you guys did, and I kind of left and did my own thing after we all graduated from college. My parents were in the town where you guys lived, so every time I’d come home to visit my parents, I’d stop by and see you guys and stayed friends with you for probably ten years, ten years back and forth.

[BILLY]:
Never stopped being friends. Still the same today.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah. I was the maid of honor in your wedding.

[BILLY]:
Yeah. Put that out there already. I might have saved that for the third or fourth episode, but…

[BRANDY]:
No. So we became friends and we stayed in contact. I had some health issues and had to move back to my hometown, get a little bit of help, and you were going through a divorce. We hung out, and then we were married six weeks later, and pregnant seven weeks after that, like, it was pretty quick, and we’ve been together ever since.

[BILLY]:
Fast and furious. Now that I’m a therapist, if anyone came into my office and told me this story, you know, even though we don’t directly tell people what to do and what not to do, I might point out some unhealthy patterns that were possibly in that rapid succession of events, coming right out of a long term relationship. But I am a case history and I don’t know what’s best for me. Life often unravels and reveals itself in ways that never ceases to amaze me. A beautiful life has happened in spite of me. And I can only attribute that to me getting in contact with my most authentic self – which I describe as beta – and embracing it and being it and allowing it to say, it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be open. It’s okay to speak your truth, whatever that truth is.

[BRANDY]:
You weren’t always vulnerable.

[BILLY]:
I wasn’t always. I stuffed, and I hid.

[BRANDY]:
We have a Timothy’s, Billy. So, there was this place here in our town, very nice, kind of swank place back in the day. It was called Timothy’s. It was great. Great restaurant, great drinks, it was great.

[BILLY]:
It had a birthday cake Martini.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, it was great.

[BILLY]:
I usually went just for the straight whiskey. It was a different life.

[BRANDY]:
We’ll talk about that later. But I think one of our first dates you took me there, and you were what I refer to as Timothy’s Billy. It was very like, hey guys, how’s it going?

[BILLY]:
Waving to people in the corner that weren’t even there, hey, like, pointing…

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, do the Donald Trump point. Hey guys. Hey guys. It was very inauthentic. It was very cheesy.

[BILLY]:
You know what I was trying to do?

[BRANDY]:
You were trying to impress me.

[BILLY]:
I was trying to impress you. I thought, man, you’re gonna think I’m somebody special. And you were probably the least attracted to me on that day.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah. After the date we were in the car and I was like, I don’t know what just happened. I don’t know who that person was in that place but, man, I don’t like him.

[BILLY]:
It’s a role I tried to play for years. And because I was more sensitive, and seemed more emotional than some, I think I was equally as emotional as many, we just weren’t talking about it and showing those parts of ourselves, and that part of our heart. I had to put on some armor, to pretend to be… to have more bravado. And that armor for me, initially came in the form of alcohol and eventually, in latter years, came in the form of opioids and prescription medication, that helped me numb some of my sensitivity and helped me feel like I was putting on some armor that allowed me to be someone I was supposed to be. And it was a lie I told myself for a lot of years.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, so fast forward three years after that, we’re married, one kid, one on the way, and two days before Christmas, you tell me you have a problem with alcohol and pills.

[BILLY]:
Yeah. Were you surprised?

[BRANDY]:
Uh, yeah. I was absolutely surprised. I didn’t have any kind of reference point to understand drinking and drugs. I knew in college that drunk Billy was a whole lot of fun. He was so fun. Like, I loved when drunk Billy would come out.

[BILLY]:
I remember you were like, are you drinking this weekend? I was like, am I? Was that a question? I was never not drinking this weekend. It’s Wednesday and I’m drinking. Why would I not drink this weekend?

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, I guess I just didn’t… because I didn’t understand that you couldn’t put it down. I didn’t understand that you were sneaking around and doing it without me knowing.

[BILLY]:
And there were years I could, early on, put it down, and it was fun. In college, drunk Billy is a really good time. Married to that same person, trying to build a life and be responsible – not so much. At the end of the day, to be honest and true with everyone, and to you, and to myself, I was just a scared little boy who didn’t know how to grow up and act. And that made me feel powerful in such an inauthentic way. It couldn’t have been anything but destructive and it was for years.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, I guess looking back on it, I just thought after we got married, you rooked me? You know, like you hoodwinked me. I thought you were this great guy, which you were. And then we got married and it was like, you hear about those people who just let themselves go or give up trying. Like, they try really hard dating, and then you marry them and it’s like… so I just figured that’s what it was. Oh, he’s just lazy. I started to resent you a little bit, but I just thought, well, you know, I’m in it now. I got a kid and one on the way, so I’ll figure it out. I just thought that you slacked off a lot. And you did. And part of that is just your natural self when you’re not healthy.

[BILLY]:
Yeah. Yeah, I go to a very lazy place, let’s say, in unhealth and not very proactive in my life, and in turn that affects self-esteem and self-worth. And then I get into an unhealthy place. As a beta that there’s just not… and I think we all can move to health or unhealth. The goal of this is to highlight areas and ways we get unhealthy, and when you recognize that and are awakened to that, how do you move towards health? How do you take the practical steps? And that was the first honest admission I’d had in my life. I have a problem that I can’t fix on my own, because the solution for me for years was alcohol and prescription pain pills, and they had quit working and had begun to create so many more problems than they ever were solving. And in trying to sweep it under the rug and hide, and get well on my own was not… I had come to a place where I knew that wasn’t possible. And I finally said, I need to go somewhere and get help from someone else because all of my solutions are failing me.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah. And it wasn’t you going off to rehab for three months that got us better. In fact, we got worse. I think that there was lots of resentments there. Lots of you’re going off to have a good time and I’m stuck taking care of kids and trying to keep everything together.

[BILLY]:
I always say it’s a total shame that someone has to mess up their life so bad to get 90 days out, to go sit in a rehab and shuffle around in your pajamas and go to group and talk about your feelings all day. I wish absolutely normal healthy people got this experience. Usually you have to have like a psychotic break, or a breakdown, or a drug and alcohol problem for insurance to deem it suitable to pay for your treatment.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, stressed out wives or single mothers, people working three jobs, they don’t get that 30 days, or 60 days, or 90 days like you did, but you got it. It was good. It was good for what we needed. You came back and it was a different world.

[BILLY]:
I was on fire for recovery.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, you were. You’d just been saved.

[BILLY]:
I was. I was like, man, just how we recreate the same old thing over and over again. But um, yeah, I was not my healthiest self yet. But it’s a journey.

[BRANDY]:
And that’s why I love you. Because I got to watch that maturation process firsthand. And we made it through the toughest time because of a program that you worked and because of how self-reflective you were. And I think maybe that’s why we’re here today, just because I would love to make this, like, let’s pick on Billy hour because you’re fun to do that with. But that’s not what this is, there’s something really beautiful about what you do every single day and how you reflect on who you are. It’s gonna make me cry. Sorry, but it is good. You’ve taught me stuff. And, I can be on teachable, because I think I know better than everyone else. I think I do. I don’t know, maybe mostly because I am right.

[BILLY]:
You are. If we had the data, the hard data, on right to wrong, you would definitely prevail in the area of who’s been right more along the trajectory of our relationship.

[BRANDY]:
And I love data.

[BILLY]:
And you love data, and it would prove to be true. So, it has been a push and pull of both of us surrendering to trying to be who we think the world needs us to be. And just being who we were created to be. And getting comfortable with that and getting super healthy in that. And what does that take? I’m so far from super healthy, but I can’t wait to explore the conversations we’re going to have with other people. And this really kind of in a way is a selfish pursuit because I’ve already gotten so many options of people I can talk to who I want to draw from their wisdom and their truth. You know, I think of people who aren’t here anymore that I wish I could talk to, like Carl Rogers is one of my favorite therapists. You know, he’s kind of pushed to the side these days, but Person-Centered therapy and one on one…

[BRANDY]:
I just read an article by him two days ago. A 24-page article on Carl Rogers.

[BILLY]:
You should have sent it to me.

[BRANDY]:
I should have. So, he’s not pushed aside, I think he’s still very relevant.

[BILLY]:
And the other Rogers, Fred Rogers, probably one of the more famous beta males in history. I’ve gleaned so much from him, and recently his movie coming out, I can’t help but think that the world is longing for places and pockets for these conversations to be had. And we’re just creating one of them. We’re not the be all and end all and, you know, it’s kind of tongue in cheek, Beta Male Revolution, because us betas are probably the last people in and of themselves to lead any kind of revolution. When Braveheart was going across, and he’s like, you know, you could fight this day or go home and, you know, live out the rest of your days, I probably would have been on my way on my horse to live out the rest of my days.

[BRANDY]:
Would you be riding a horse? Let’s be honest.

[BILLY]:
I mean, I don’t know how to ride a horse. I mean, if there were a sidecar to a horse, I would be in the sidecar of someone’s horse and I would have them take me home.

[BRANDY]:
You would be in the back, holding on to somebody with your arms around their waist and your head on their shoulder.

[BILLY]:
William Wallace. And his long, flowing hair.

[BRANDY]:
You’d be holding on to an alpha male, can I catch a ride?

[BILLY]:
And I do. I do. If there is a nuclear fallout, or a zombie apocalypse, or some End of Times event, I have a list of alphas that I’m calling up and hanging out with, because I need them in my life. And that’s why, you know, this is not anti-anything. But also, so many times my alpha friends that tend to be more comfortable in that role, will call me and say, hey, man, I was trying to have a conversation with my wife, and it’s going really bad. Can I run some things by you? And I’ve been overwhelmed with the fact that I have something to bring to the table. Because for so long, it was just the guys who could dunk the basketball, or throw the football, or make the touchdown that mattered. And guys who wanted to talk about feelings, not so much. So, it’s a give and a take now, and it’s happened in our world. And I’m so grateful for it. We want that to happen on a larger scale.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah. Along this journey, we’ve met some really cool alphas and we’ve met some really cool betas. And just being able to bring those conversations to the mic and share them with people, that’s what gets me super excited. To notice our differences, but also, like, on the spectrum where people are one or the other. I’m excited about this journey. I’m excited to do it with you. I think when we were talking about this podcast… we’ve been throwing it around for years on this alpha-beta issue, and I’m really excited to share some of those voices and some of those people that probably never would have been heard, but are so important, and their voice, and coming to the table, and what they have to offer. I’m so excited to get to share those people. Because it’s like you said, you didn’t feel like you had a voice. You didn’t feel like there was anything you could bring to the table, and there is.

[BILLY]:
Yeah. Well, when we look at the world of podcasts, I found plenty on how to awaken the inner parts of your alpha and bring those parts to the table. But when we talk about beta strengths, there’s not many. And I mean, that sounds super cool to me. When I say it out loud it’s like, do I really…?

[BRANDY]:
You want to awaken in the inner beta. You need to be awake…

[BILLY]:
It’s not quite a roar. It’s more of a…

[BRANDY]:
A yelp.

[BILLY]:
It’s a snore.

[BRANDY]:
It kinda is. But we need that.

[BILLY]:
It is a more restful, centered, contemplative life that I think could add to any life, regardless of who you are. And it’s something I’m working on daily and I want to go along with others if they’re interested in working on that and say, hey, let’s do this together. Let’s learn how to be a little more beta and have what we call a beta life.

[BRANDY]:
So, in closing, as we end this first episode, what is it that you hope the listener gets?

[BILLY]:
Freedom.

[BRANDY]:
Yeah, freedom. That’s good. Okay. Thanks for listening, everybody.

[BILLY]:
Yeah, thanks for taking time out of your day. We can’t wait to dive into more as we move forward and have a blessed one, my friends. Talk to you soon.

Are you ready to find freedom to be yourself as a beta male? Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution to find your strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your own skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free Beta Male Revolution course is for you. Sign up for free at betamalerevolution.com/course.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guest are providing legal, mental health, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.

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