This is Us: Family Episode | Episode 46

What does it mean to be a part of the Eldridge family? What advice can our kids give us that would make life a whole lot simpler? What does the word ‘Simp’ mean and why don’t we like it?

In this podcast episode, we introduce you to the rest of the Eldridge family. The kids reveal some things, we talk about what our main purpose is in life and we address the elephant in the room.

Meet the Eldridge Family

Poppy Kate is 5 years old, she loves Barbies, Wonderwomen, and McDonald’s

Liam is about to turn 10 in August and he wants to be known for video games!

Hava (means life in Hebrew) will be 12 in less than a month and wants to be an architect and interior designer so that she can build houses for people who can’t afford them.

Ms. Taylor is our COO and helps in every aspect of our household and family life.

In This Podcast

Summary

  • What does it mean to be a part of the Eldridge family?
  • Simp vs Pimp and why we don’t like it

What does it mean to be a part of the Eldridge family?

According to Poppy Kate (5), and Liam (10), being part of the Eldridge family means living by and upholding the principles of kindness and respect, both to one another and to people that they encounter.

Sometimes we argue and we can definitely do a better job at that.

Simp vs Pimp and why we don’t like it

Liam and Hava discuss the difference between Simps and Pimps with us, although with emphasis on a simp which is someone, usually a boy, who is kind towards someone he likes but is shunned for it by other boys, who think that being kind equates to being weak.

This of course is the very philosophy that the Beta Male Revolution works to dismantle. It is not unmanly or emasculating to be in touch with your emotions and kind to people and that, in fact, in order to be a proper, kind, strong, and good man, you should be able to feel and work through your emotions without pushing them away.

Useful links:

Meet Billy Eldridge

billy-eldridge

Meet Billy, the resident beta male. For Billy, this is a place to hang out with other beta males and the people who love them. We’re redefining what beta males look like in the world. I have learned to embrace my best beta self, and I can help you to do the same. As a therapist, I understand the need to belong. You belong here. Join the REVOLUTION.

 

Meet Brandy Eldridge

brandy-eldridge

Hello, Beta friends. I am an alpha personality who is embracing the beta way of life. I feel alive when connected with people, whether that is listening to their stories or learning about their passions. Forget small talk, let’s go deep together. Come to the table and let’s have some life-changing conversations.

 

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Beta Male Revolution Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Podcast Transcription

[BILLY ELDRIDGE]: Beta Male Revolution is part of the Practice of the Practice podcast network, a family of podcasts, seeking to change the world. To hear other podcasts, like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to Practice of the Practice.com/network.
[POPPY KATE ELDRIDGE]: Hello. Welcome to the Beta Male Revolution. My name is Poppy Kate Eldridge.
[BRANDY ELDRIDGE]: Poppy Kate, how old are you?
[POPPY KATE]: Five.
[BRANDY]: And what are you doing today?
[POPPY KATE]: I don’t know.
[BILLY]: Yes, you’re hanging out with your mom and dad on the podcast.
[BRANDY]: This is our family episode. All about our family.
[BILLY]: We want them to know about you. Tell them.
[POPPY KATE]: Well, I’m a little nervous.
[BILLY]: You a little nervous?
[POPPY KATE]: Yes.
[BILLY]: It’s just us.
[POPPY KATE]: Barbies.
[BILLY]: You love Barbies?
[POPPY KATE]: Mm-hm.
[BILLY]: What’s your favorite TV show? What’s your favorite show to watch with the family?
[POPPY KATE]: Wonderwoman.
[BILLY]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: Wonderwoman is good.
[POPPY KATE]: My favorite place to eat is McDonald’s.
[BILLY]: Beta Male Revolution, that is an admission. We do take our children to McDonald’s.
[BRANDY]: Oh, that hurts.
[BILLY]: Chicken nuggets. We’re going to let them get to know your brother and your older sister too.
[POPPY KATE]: Yes, my brother’s name is Liam. My sister’s name is Hava. My babysitter’s name is Ms. Taylor. My dad’s name is daddy and Billy Eldridge. And my mom’s name is mommy, Brandy Eldridge, and bye.
[BRANDY]: What do you know about being an Eldridge? What’s it like being in the Eldridge family?
[POPPY KATE]: Kind and respect.
[BRANDY]: Kind and respect?
[BRANDY]: We told her to say.
[BILLY]: Yes, we’ll pay you your $5 later.
[POPPY KATE]: For real?
[BILLY]: Are mommy and daddy always kind?
[POPPY KATE]: Yes.
[BILLY]: Were we bein kind earlier?
[POPPY KATE]: No.
[BILLY]: What happened earlier?
[POPPY KATE]: Yes, well, yelling.
[BILLY]: Yelling? How does that make you feel when we yell?
[POPPY KATE]: Mad.
[BILLY]: It makes you mad.
[POPPY KATE]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: For the record, we were not yelling, but we were —
[BILLY]: We were strongly disagreeing. But that makes you sad?
[POPPY KATE]: Don’t talk.
[BILLY]: Okay.
[BRANDY]: Anything you want to tell the Beta Male Revolution?
[POPPY KATE]: No.
[BILLY]: Okay. Well, yeah, all right. Well, thanks for being on today, Poppy Kate. Thanks for bringing your truth and your wisdom to the Beta Male Revolution.
[POPPY KATE]: I’m leaving.
[BILLY]: You’re leaving. You’ve had all you want. Well, thanks for hanging out with us Poppy Kate. We appreciate it. Next we have with us.
[LIAM ELDRIDGE]: Liam Eldridge.
[BILLY]: How old are you?
[LIAM]: I am about to turn 10 in August.
[BRANDY]: You did such a great job on the intro. What, two podcasts ago?
[BILLY]: Yes, for Charles Burk with the NFL, the Miami Dolphins.
[BRANDY]: Such a great intro.
[LIAM]: Just heard my voice on there and yes, so —
[BRANDY]: It’s hard listening to yourself, isn’t it? Okay. Talk to us about what it’s like being in the Eldridge family.
[BILLY]: And you be honest.
[LIAM]: It can get a little annoying.
[BILLY]: Tell me about that.
[LIAM]: Hava.
[BILLY]: Your sister?
[LIAM]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: Your older sister?
[BILLY]: What’s her primary —
[LIAM]: She stole my pants.
[BRANDY]: She stole your pants? What happened when she stole your pants?
[LIAM]: She took off with my pants and put them in her room and said they were hers.
[BILLY]: I think they were her pants. You had her jogging pants on.
[LIAM]: Well, I didn’t know they were her pants.
[BILLY]: Yes, voice modulation there. It’s a little loud buddy. So tell Beta Male Revolution what you think about being an Eldridge and what’s our main purpose in life. What’s our main goal as Eldridges?
[LIAM]: Probably to make the world a better place, do what’s right for the community. And I like that about us.
[BILLY]: How do you do that?
[LIAM]: I don’t know. Maybe if there’s a poor guy on the street, I’ll give him money. I mean, I’ll clean the road.
[BILLY]: Did you clean the roads? You could go a little far out there.
[BRANDY]: He took the shovel out there because we have snow and took the shovel out there and he was trying to get driveways clean and help. There was just a lot of snow and ice. He did his best though.
[BILLY]: Well, I appreciate you doing that, but let’s be honest about our family.
[LIAM]: I am.
[BILLY]: Do we ever argue?
[LIAM]: Yes. Yes, a lot.
[BILLY]: How do we work through that?
[LIAM]: I mean, I know arguing is healthy, but I mean, I don’t think it’s that healthy to argue too much.
[BRANDY]: That’s great. How about mom and dad?
[LIAM]: Because then the reason you’ll married each other is because you’ll have stuff in common, but if y’all don’t have anything in common, y’all argue and argue. So, that’s what y’all are doing.
[BILLY]: Do you think we get along pretty good or not so much?
[LIAM]: Not so much.
[BILLY]: Really? Can we do a better job at that?
[LIAM]: Yes, y’all could just not argue as much and y’all can say, “You’re right. Okay.” And like, y’all don’t have to start an argument.
[BRANDY]: That would be taken —
[LIAM]: I mean, Poppy Kate, she walked in there and she said, “Mom and dad are arguing again.
[BILLY]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: We were.
[BILLY]: We were having a disagreement
[LIAM]: I know it’s healthy to argue, but I don’t think it’s healthy to argue that much.
[BRANDY]: So you think we argue a lot?
[LIAM]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: Okay. Fair enough. [crosstalk]
[LIAM]: I haven’t seen a day without y’all arguing. [crosstalk] Aren’t you going to ask me any more questions? [crosstalk] Give me a quiz.
[BILLY]: Give us time bro. I don’t know, just —
[BRANDY]: What do you think about a podcast?
[BILLY]: What do you think about Beta Male Revolution? What does that mean to you?
[LIAM]: I don’t know —
[BRANDY]: I have a question.
[BILLY]: I just interrupted your mom when she asked you a question. That’s not very polite. I’m trying to do better at that. So I want to acknowledge it back up. You asked him a question.
[BRANDY]: I have a question. What is the difference between simp and pimp? What is a simp and what is a pimp?
[LIAM]: I don’t know. I don’t know what a pimp is.
[BRANDY]: What did you say in the car that we were talking about?
[LIAM]: What a pimp is? All I know is a simp.
[BRANDY]: Okay. So talk to me about this. This was a conversation that came up in the car the other day that I thought it raised my eyebrows a little bit.
[LIAM]: The other day?
[BRANDY]: Yes. So talk about it.
[LIAM]: The other day? The other day it was snowing. We didn’t go outside. I think it was like a week ago.
[BRANDY]: Okay, a week ago, what was this conversation that we were having?
[LIAM]: I don’t know.
[BRANDY]: Okay, there was a girl and she said all the boys were saying that you were a simp or somebody was a simp. And I said, what’s a simp?
[LIAM]: I never said I was a simp.
[BRANDY]: Oh my gosh, this is, just talk to me about what a simp is.
[LIAM]: So it’s okay to love somebody, but I mean, a simp is you’re going too far. If you say, “I love you,” that’s okay. But if you say like, “I love you. You’re beautiful. Everything you look, your eyes are so gorgeous. That’s being a simp. You’re going too far.
[BRANDY]: But you told me it was being soft. Okay, we’re not going to get anywhere with this conversation.
[LIAM]: You’re going too far.
[BILLY]: You’re going too far? Overboard.
[LIAM]: Yes.
[BILLY]: So keep it simple, simp?
[BRANDY]: No, so what they were telling me in the car [crosstalk]. This was a conversation in the car the other day and Hava and Liam were telling me this, that in class, this is a common phrase.
[BILLY]: A simp?
[BRANDY]: A simp. It’s like a pimp, but soft. And I said, “What’s a pimp?” Because I didn’t know my kids knew that word. And they were like, “It’s kind of like a player. It’s kind of like somebody that’s hard and a simp is somebody that’s too much in their feelings and these names and these terms are addressed towards boys.”
[LIAM]: And girls. Mostly boys.
[BILLY]: So simps and pimps, what do you want to be?
[LIAM]: I don’t want to be either.
[BILLY]: Great. What’s in the middle? What’s like the good between being too braggy and — [crosstalk]
[LIAM]: Oh, there’s not a thing.
[BILLY]: There’s not a thing. Why don’t you invent it?
[BRANDY]: It could be a limp. [crosstalk] No, no. I was thinking Liam, but yeah [crosstalk]
[BILLY]: If his friends ever listened to it, we don’t want to a nickname.
[BRANDY]: His friends aren’t listening to this.
[LIAM]: Maybe the parents.
[BRANDY]: Maybe some of them.
[BILLY]: Yes. What do you want to be known for in the world?
[LIAM]: Video games.
[BRANDY]: Video games?
[BILLY]: Video games? What do you want to do when you grow up?
[LIAM]: I haven’t actually figured that out yet. I don’t really have a dream job yet.
[BILLY]: Do you want to go to college?’.
[LIAM]: I used to want to be a fireman, but not anymore. I want to go to college, yes so I can get a good education and I don’t end up like those people …
[BILLY]: Not everybody goes to college.
[BRANDY]: But I’m glad you want to.
[LIAM]: It’s good to go to college, but I don’t care if you don’t. It’s not my problem. I don’t care if you go to college or you don’t, it’s your choice.
[BILLY]: Some people go to trade school.
[LIAM]: I’m not going to hate you just because you didn’t go to college. I’m going to like you how like everybody else, like a normal person.
[BRANDY]: But you don’t need to go to college to play video games.
[LIAM]: Well, better if you want to be smart, like, you know, I’m probably not going to want to play video games when I’m older.
[BRANDY]: So good to hear.
[BILLY]: What’s your favorite video game right now, bud?
[LIAM]: Probably Fallout.
[BILLY]: Okay. All right.
[LIAM]: It’s the only thing that could come up to my mind.
[BILLY]: How are mom and I doing it on the parent game right now? Good? Bad? In the middle?
[LIAM]: Y’all are not in the bad zone. But what I mean by that is I actually, y’all in the good zone. Like y’all in like the middle of the good zone.
[BILLY]: Is there anything I could be doing to be a better dad?
[LIAM]: Actually, no. There is nothing.
[BILLY]: Spend more time with you? Be more …
[BRANDY]: What about mom?
[LIAM]: Just, no chillers.
[BRANDY]: Yes, it’s not going to happen.
[BILLY]: [crosstalk] Thanks for joining us in Beta Male Revolution today.
[LIAM]: You are welcome [crosstalk] Bye.
[BRANDY]: Hava, have a seat.
[BILLY]: Hava Eldrigde how are you doing?
[BRANDY]: Introduce yourself.
[HAVA ELDRIDGE]: Pretty good. Hi, I am Hava and I am almost 12. I’ll be 12 in less than a month.
[BILLY]: How do you spell that name of yours?
[HAVA]: H A V A. It’s Hava.
[BILLY]: Where did it come from?
[HAVA]: Fiddler on the Roof.
[BRANDY]: What does it mean?
[HAVA]: Life.
[BRANDY]: In?
[HAVA]: Jewish.
[BRANDY]: In Hebrew.
Hebrew, yes.
[BRANDY]: Hava, what’s going on in your world right now?
[BILLY]: How old are you?
[HAVA]: I just told them.
[BILLY]: Oh, I’m paying attention.
[HAVA]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: What’s going on in your world? Daddy wants to talk about the changes that are going on in your body?
[BILLY]: Ah-ah, no. We brought you in here to talk about puberty.
[HAVA]: Oh, God.
[BRANDY]: No, we’re just joking.
[BILLY]: We’re just kidding.
[HAVA]: Oh, thank you.
[BRANDY]: What is, okay, so I was talking to Liam and he doesn’t remember this conversation that we had in the car about simps and pimps. And you were telling me what it meant. So tell us your version of it.
[HAVA]: Well, nobody really uses pimps. They just use simps.
[BRANDY]: Okay, good.
[HAVA]: So simps basically, is when basically boys care for girls and stuff and guys go, “You’re a simp.” And they go, “I’m not a simp,” because basically it’s a bad thing to be a simp because you’re nice to a girl. It’s not very …
[BILLY]: So it’s bad to be nice?
[HAVA]: Exactly
[BRANDY]: That’s what I was trying to say like when we had this conversation that there’s already —
[BILLY]: Is it hard to believe that a male couldn’t articulate his feelings?
[BRANDY]: No.
[BRANDY]: Anyway, like I was saying, I was having this conversation in the car and it was like such a beta issue because already in the third grade, they’ve already given each other a crap about being a nice guy. And that’s kind of what this is all about. Is it instinctive? Is it something they learned —
[HAVA]: It’s horrible in sixth grade?
[BRANDY]: So what’s horrible.
[HAVA]: The guys in there, they give each other, like, if they’re nice to somebody or some girl they’re like calling them weak and stuff.
[BRANDY]: Weak?
[HAVA]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: Yes.
[HAVA]: It’s not very nice.
[BRANDY]: What do you think about that? How do you think a guy should act?
[HAVA]: Like daddy.
[BRANDY]: How do you think a person should act?
[BILLY]: Great, I like that. Wait, what’s that mean?
[BRANDY]: Yes, what does that mean?
[HAVA]: That dad’s not all over being the [inaudible 00:04:21] man, you know. He’s okay with being kind of like —
[BRANDY]: A simp?
[HAVA]: Yes.
[BILLY]: I’m not a simp though.
[HAVA]: Yes, but that’s not a bad thing.
[BRANDY]: It’s good.
[BILLY]: Okay. So what’s the other side, the pimp?
[HAVA]: I told you, we don’t really use that.
[BILLY]: Okay, glad.
[HAVA]: I don’t really know what that means.
[BRANDY]: Okay then. That’s good. But I feel like just that negative connotation already is —
[HAVA]: Using big words here at all.
[BRANDY]: So I feel like calling kids soft because they’re nice is what we’re trying to talk against and say that nice people, being a kind human is not a bad thing. I hope that that’s what we’re teaching you guys.
[HAVA]: Yes, definitely.
[BILLY]: Well, and if we go back to Dr. Kelly’s episode, we begin to build that ego castle around those ages in middle school, where people start telling us who and what we ought to be. That being kind and nice is a weak trait and we need to be tough and rough around the edges and not so soft in the world. Maybe kids begin to get that message that early on. We have to undo that later in life.
[HAVA]: Liam’s age.
[BILLY]: Yes, Liam’s age. What do you think? You think Liam’s learned in those messages?
[HAVA]: Definitely.
[BILLY]: So they come off in the way he treats you?
[HAVA]: Mh-hm.
[BILLY]: How about in the way you treat him?
[HAVA]: I’m nice to him sometimes. Okay, no, no. I’m nice to him, but he’s mean to me. Like I tried to ask him to go play in the snow with me yesterday and he was being very mean about that.
[BRANDY]: You also took his pants.
[HAVA]: They were my pants and he said he wasn’t going to give them back. And then he lied to dad about it.
[BILLY]: He told about that in the podcast.
[BRANDY]: Oh, it’s so funny.
[HAVA]: Well, he said, “I’m not giving you your pants back.” But they’re my pants. I don’t want him [inaudible 00:16:26] the bottom of my pants, which he did.
[BRANDY]: This is a real problem.
[BILLY]: Real problem.
[BRANDY]: Hey, talk to me about what you want to do when you grow up.
[HAVA]: I want to be an architect and interior designer.
[BRANDY]: What are you going to do?
[HAVA]: Build houses for people who can’t afford that.
[BRANDY]: You’re a good kid Hava.
[HAVA]: I know. I try.
[BRANDY]: We’re proud of you.
[HAVA]: Thank you.
[BILLY]: Yes, we are proud of you.
[BRANDY]: All right. Anything you want to say? Anything else you want to say to the people that are going to listen. Billy, do you have any questions for her?
[BILLY]: Is there anything we can be working on as a mom and a dad individually and as a couple?
[HAVA]: Oh, I have been waiting for that.
[BILLY]: Okay, go ahead.
[HAVA]: So dad, you need to help mom out more and play with us more. And then mom, you need to listen to us more.
[BRANDY]: Okay.
[HAVA]: Thank you.
[BRANDY]: I didn’t hear what you said though.
[HAVA]: Listen.
[BRANDY]: Just joking.
[HAVA]: It’s not like listen like that. Like listen to what we have to say.
[BRANDY]: Yes.
[BILLY]: So, I don’t play enough.
[HAVA]: No.
[BILLY]: What do I do so I know —
[HAVA]: Basically, our relationship is really good. It’s just like sorry —
[BILLY]: You can say that.
[HAVA]: It’s just, like all we do is talk, and like with you kind of all we do is play sort of. So but y’all need to learn a little bit from each other.
[BRANDY]: Ooh nice.
[BILLY]: Wow. Kind of bringing truth into your [crosstalk]. Baby girl —
[BRANDY]: Nice job. All right, thanks Hava. Will you tell Ms. Taylor to come on in?
[HAVA]: Yes. Ms. Taylor sounds weird. Ms. Tay.
[BRANDY]: So we are going to bring what we call our chief operating officer of the family.
[BILLY]: Yes, so, Brandy’s the CEO —
[BRANDY]: You’re the financial …
[BILLY]: Yes. And probably human resources. [crosstalk].
[BRANDY]: Tell me about that.
[BILLY]: The kids run to me and tell their complaints. But Taylor is the, she’s the chief operations officer of the Eldridge family household.
[BRANDY]: Taylor have a seat. We are doing this against her will. That shows how kind we are. Taylor is in charge of, I don’t know, we couldn’t do it without Taylor.
[BILLY]: What are you doing, Taylor? I don’t even know what you do. I know it’s important.
[MS. TAYLOR]: I’m basically Brandy’s personal assistant.
[BRANDY]: Yes. That’s true.
[BILLY]: Man, when do I get one? What’s that like?
[BRANDY]: You got one.
[BILLY]: Brandy is my personal assistant. We talked about that before this podcast episode. You were getting upset with me because I had the idea to have all of our family on the podcast, but no plan on how to do it.
[BRANDY]: Yes, like this, that was very upsetting and I will tell you why. And that’s why Poppy thought we were yelling as she would say, but we weren’t. I was just [crosstalk]. We both have a lot on our plate and then you decide to do this and you’ve been talking about it for several days, but you had nothing in line. Then you bring everybody together and like, “Okay, we’re going to do this,” but you don’t tell anybody what we’re doing or say anything. And I’m just sitting there and I’m in my head, just watching my to-do lists get longer and longer where you’re just kind of laissez-faire because you had some time on your hands. And I thought that was very inconsiderate of my time. So there.
[BILLY]: I might’ve been a little inconsiderate. Taylor gets to see from the outside. What do you think Taylor? Come on in here. Chop some truth on us. What’s it like hanging out with the Eldridges?
[MS. TAYLOR]: It’s really not bad. I mean …
[BRANDY]: No way.
[MS. TAYLOR]: I got a couple of all glow moments, you know where maybe Brandy needs a little bit more on the inpatient side, maybe a little bit. And then Billy is more of the, you know, super chill side, you know, but I feel like it works in the end because I’m here.
[BRANDY]: It’s so true.
[BILLY]: She is, you are the one that balances this all out.
[BRANDY]: So Taylor helps you with stuff.
[BILLY]: Yes.
[BRANDY]: And then she helps us with the kids a whole lot and helps with everything. And we kind of just like hanging out with her too, because she’s part of the family.
[BILLY]: Yes, you have become a part of the family.
[BRANDY]: For sure.
[BILLY]: Our kids wouldn’t know what to do without you, and I’m grateful for you in our life and all that you bring. And you bring a young flair into the house, words we don’t understand, and millennials terms and things like that. Are you a millennial?
[MS. TAYLOR]: I hope not.
[BILLY]: What are you?
[MS. TAYLOR]: I honestly don’t know. I feel like I am a millennial though, because it’s like gen X and then gen YZ and millennial. I have no idea.
[BRANDY]: Well, we just wanted to kind of get everybody out there a look into our family, which was a little weird to like interview our kids and hear what they had to say, but good and let people know what we do behind the scenes and who we are for real, like just two people trying to create a family and we mess up all the time and we need help. Lots of help. And we’re grateful for our parents, your mom, my parents, Taylor, everybody that comes together so we can do a podcast. And so we can have jobs and I don’t know, get through life together in our community.
[BILLY]: Figure it out, you know, Liam, one of them told we take them to McDonald’s.
[BRANDY]: Poppy.
[BILLY]: So then we have parents shame around the fact that we go feed them chicken nuggets all the time. And I was talking with a friend the other day who, his kids don’t have technology yet. And then all of a sudden I felt this big dump of shame on me that our kids have iPads and we let them play on them.
[BRANDY]: Thank God for iPads and thank God we let them play on them.
[BILLY]: I know, but we’re just trying to figure this thing out and doing it perfectly. But I think one of the things I learned was check-in with your kids and let them tell you what you’re doing right or what you’re. Not that everything they say matters. [crosstalk] But I like to check in —
[BRANDY]: We can’t compare ourselves to anybody because this is a unique family. Everybody’s family has a different fingerprint and ours is very different. And I think if we’re doing our best and we’re loving our kids, we’ve got parents that love their kids. We have Taylor that loves our kids. Kids are getting love, whether they’re playing on an iPad or they’re learning French. Like it doesn’t matter
[BILLY]: And they’re going to be in therapy over something. So we might as well —
[BRANDY]: Apparently, it’s going to be over railing.
[BILLY]: Yes, railing over each other. Do we yell at each other, Taylor?
[MS. TAYLOR]: I definitely would say sometimes it definitely seems like you guys are railing.
[BRANDY]: Maybe that’s something you need to — [crosstalk]
[MS. TAYLOR]: You know, it’s not really yelling. It’s just like, you know, you can change, the tone has shifted and everybody’s like, “Oh.”
[BRANDY]: Yes, that happens.
[BILLY]: Who seems to be right more often [crosstalk].
[BRANDY]: You want to go there, huh?
[MS. TAYLOR]: Definitely Poppy Cate.
[BILLY]: Yes, good answer.
[BRANDY]: I think we do rail and raise our voice and I think we have to teach our children that. And I feel like Liam got that. And he said, “I know that arguing is healthy,” if we’re arguing to work things out and we show that to them. And we probably need to do a better job of showing them, like you are going to get in arguments with your partner, you are going to get in arguments with your friends. And you’re not always going to agree, but we have to do that thing that Dax and Kristen Bell do, which has makeup in front of them more and say like, “Look, this is how we get to problems and use a lot more of our Gottman stuff that we talk about that goes out the door really quickly when we’re upset.
[BILLY]: Man, all the best intentions can go out the door if I’m wrong. I realized how much childhood stuff, here just recently in the last month, how much childhood stuff plays into it and my own attachment stuff and my own and need for approval and validation plays into my insecurities in the relationship. And I’ve really had to work on that stuff personally, because if I’m constantly seeking validation from you and I’m not getting it internally from myself you’re always going to be the person by which I regulate my moods and emotions. And when you’re happy with me, I’m happy. When you’re annoyed with me, I’m frightened and defensive. And I’m trying to learn how to be less of that. It’s just hard. It’s hard to look at myself and not want to blame all of our issues on you or our kids or Taylor.
[BILLY]: [crosstalk] I can never blame anything on Taylor.
[BRANDY]: The only thing with Taylor is she just doesn’t clean, but she says this, she says like —
[BILLY]: She came to the table —
[BILLY]: She’s like, “Look, that’s just not who I am.” And I’ve kind of appreciated that about her when I have, when I get stressed out, which has been a lot lately, I clean. It’s like the one thing I have control over. And it’s like, if it’s peaceful, if it’s clean and I can relax. And I also procrastinate. And so if the house is messy, then I can procrastinate with the house and kind of, and I shouldn’t do that, but I also have like this need to be heard and not to be silenced. And so there’s this need to like tell my side of the story and just get it out there. And once it’s out there and somebody says, “Oh, thanks.” Like you, oh, I see where you’re coming from. Then it’s all calm again. But I do have this like thing that I’m working out from childhood stuff, I’m sure of just like not being heard. And so when I’m not heard from my spouse or from somebody else and they can’t see my point of view, it’s hard. So I’m working on that too. Sorry, I’m working it out on you.
[BILLY]: And when that’s hardening you clean.
[BRANDY]: I do clean. My mom does it.
[BILLY]: I noticed like when you’re agitated with me if you’re making the bed, there’s some stuff like, you know, I can see you disappear and I know you’ve gotten a can of dust or something and you’re wiping something down. And I know a lot of times when we don’t feel like our lives are in control, you can make one space neat. And you can have control of that one space.
[BRANDY]: I do it. My mom did it. My sister does it. And we’ve kind of all had to, like, I remember I knew my mom was upset because she’d start cleaning the house and we’d all back off. And then my sister and I had to really like check each other on that too, because it was like, we didn’t want our family to walk on eggshells when we started cleaning. But it feels like I’m doing that too. So I know when I’m cleaning in my head, you don’t have to tell me something’s wrong. Like I know it and I’m usually processing this out while I’m cleaning. And I don’t ask other people to clean that often, unless it’s just like a really bad mess. And then it’s like, come on, guys, everybody needs to help, but —
[BILLY]: We know if we piss you off bad enough, it’ll all just get done.
[BRANDY]: That’s right.
[BILLY]: We’ll have to worry about it.
[BRANDY]: I’ll be up at four in the morning, making sure. The other day I had a real stressed out moment and I caught myself with a toothpick getting the crumbs out of in-between of the chairs. And as I’m doing this, I’m going, “Okay, Brandy, what is going on? Like, what are you working out with this toothpick and crumbs?” So I think having a conversation like this is just like bringing stuff to light and saying, “We all have stuff we have to work on,” and I’ll be the first to say, I have control issues and I have stress that I can’t figure out that’s not going anywhere. And I take it out on the chairs and the countertop. But I appreciate you guys more than you know. I appreciate you loving me in spite of it and appreciate you guys being kind and appreciate Taylor for joking about it. You know, like she’s really good.
[BILLY]: Yes, Taylor, if we haven’t said it enough, you’re God-sent in our family. I remember when Brandy some years ago was looking for, you were on some site —
[BRANDY]: Care.com.
[BILLY]: Care.com.
[BRANDY]: Yes, care.com was awesome. We don’t work for them, we’re not getting any money from them, but care.com was awesome.
[BILLY]: It was this thing that didn’t make sense because you’re like, “I think I know this person.” You had known Taylor’s parents, so your parents and you had known her when she was younger.
[BRANDY]: A babysat her when she was younger, which I didn’t babysit very much. Just for the record, I was a terrible babysitter and people didn’t ask me back to babysit the second time.
[MS. TAYLOR]: Just one time.
[BRANDY]: That was enough. They were like, “Yeah, we don’t trust this person with kids.”
[BILLY]: We needed someone. And it’s hard when you do the kind of work we do to trust people with your kids, because there’s so many things that happen in the world that we don’t have control over. And to have somebody that came into our house and became family and that we trust to no end, and you know, I’m just very grateful. Thank you, Taylor, for everything. That’s a little view in our family Gaza last week, we took you through our family album of our vacation. This year we took you through, this podcast we take you through a little bit of our family. You don’t know if it will be interesting, but gives you a little insight into us and how we work in a little context. And sometimes it’s just pure chaos. Sometimes in the chaos, it all comes together and works out. So, thank you for listening today.
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